Broad Banter: Real Housewives Wine Party

Broad here for another round of Broad Banter! It’s no secret that my #1 guilty pleasure is terrible reality tv, specifically, the Real Housewives franchise. I’m obsessed and will watch every single show and every city. Beard absolutely hates it and will not tolerate me watching if he’s home. Needless to say, it’s a huge source of contention in our relationship.

One day, while I was watching Real Housewives of New York, I realized that some of the housewives started marketing and selling their own wine. It’s mainly the extra crazy ones who are marketing their own alcohol. I was intrigued. I started researching these ladies and their wines and decided I needed to try them all. I obviously couldn’t just buy them and drink by myself. Well, I could but that would yield terrible results. I decided I needed to throw a party. This couldn’t be just like any other party. This needed to be a Real Housewives themed party. It needed to be classy, ridiculous and a bit over top just like these crazy bitches.

THE THEME
If you’re not familiar with the franchise, they document the lives of fancy, affluent ladies who just ooze drama. The show is basically a lot of crazy antics, drinking and vacationing There are nines cities total (not counting international installments) and the series has inspired some equally crazy spinoffs. It’s addicting. It is truly like a trainwreck, you can’t look away.

One of my favorite series is RH of Beverly Hills. One of the wives, Kyle Richards throws an infamous “White Party” every year. It’s at Kyle’s house and all the wives, husbands and Kyle’s friends attend. It’s pretty elaborate and of course, everyone that attends must wear white. I thought that since my party would be unlike any other party I’ve had, I would make everyone wear white to mine too! This is the only thing I required of my guests. I did not ask them to bring anything to eat or drink, just to show up and wear white. I even invited some ladies who weren’t avid housewives watchers to the party (something Ramona would never do).

Also I based the overall theme for the party on the queen goddess herself Lisa Vanderpump. She is my all-time favorite housewife from the Beverly Hills series. You may have also seen her on her spinoff Vanderpump Rules. She wrote a guide to entertaining called Simply Divine: A Guide to Easy, Elegant, and Affrodable Entertaining by Lisa Vanderpump and I used it for inspiration on how to throw a classy lady party.

Before we tasted each wine, I spoke a little about it and the housewife that attached her name to it; cause let’s be honest, none of these broads actually had anything to do with how they were made.  I had a youtube clip either about the wine or the housewife in a crazy moment. While we drank we watched more housewife clips. It was the best party ever because all I want to do every day is drink wine and watch Real Housewives.

THE FOOD
A normal Beard & Broad party includes buffalo chicken dip, pepperoni bread and taco dip for food. Good, greasy fattening food that helps make sure people don’t get drunk too fast. I knew a classy lady party could not include the normal greasy party stuff.

In addition to Lisa Vanderpump’s book, I used Party-Perfect Bites by Milli Taylor for food inspiration. I wanted to make relatively simple, easy to eat, delicious finger foods. After much debate, I decided to prepare the following: prosciutto pear gorgonzola rolls, asparagus filo cigars, bocconcini skewers, meats and cheese, cucumber sandwiches and pimento cheese sandwiches. For dessert I was able to talk Beard into making his aunt’s famous cheesecake, mini versions. If you didn’t know, Beard is the baker in the relationship. The food turned out amazing! I may need to class it up more often.

THE WINE
Ramona Singer: Pinot Grigio
Ramona is the New York housewife who started the wine trend. This lady loves her some Pinot Grigio. It’s pretty much the only thing she drinks and she’s drinking it at all times on camera.  She loved it so much she decided to launch her own brand. After it came out she insisted on taking it to every house party, gala, function etc. Ramona is one of my favorite housewives. She’s crazy, irrational, full of drama but deep down (maybe?) has a good heart.
Thoughts: The reviews online were overall very positive so we were excited to try it. People seemed to enjoy it. I have to agree that this wine was very good. The wine lived up to the hype. I like dry white wines but this was fresh, fruity and crisp.  Everyone else seemed to enjoy it too. I would definitely drink this again.

Brandi Glanville: Unfiltered Blonde Chardonnay
Brandi, what can I say about her? She is an unhinged, very dramatic former Beverly Hills Housewife. Her biggest claim to fame and pretty much the only thing she ever talked about was being Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife (he cheated on her and left her for LeAnn Rimes).  I was not excited to try this wine. On the show, she appears to be a wild card and I’m not sure she understands a thing about wine other than how to chug it.
Thoughts: Sure enough, this wine was terrible. It tasted thick and syrupy. I know a lot of my friends are already not big into chardonnays but this didn’t even taste like a chardonnay. We couldn’t distinguish any specific notes or fruit flavors. It wasn’t tasty and I think most of the group didn’t want to finish it.

Teresa Giudice: Fabellini Peach Flavored Sparkling Wine
Teresa, the New Jersey princess! She is also one of my favorite housewives. If her name sounds familiar but you don’t watch the show, its because she was just released from Federal prison where she was incarcerated on fraud charges. She is also famous for screaming “prostiution whore” and flipping a table at another infamous housewife in the first season of New Jersey. I was a bit weary to try this wine. It was difficult to find and once I did it arrived very dusty. But I do love me some bubbles.
Thoughts: Everyone seemed to hate this. It was sweet and peachy. My friend Caitlin and I love the Orange Peach Flavored Andre (we know its terrible) and this tasted very similar so we pretty much drank the bottle. This is something I can see college kids or ladies on a bachelorette trip drinking the hell out of.

Lisa Vanderpump: Red & Pink Sangria
All hail queen Lisa! I would watch Lisa on any tv show and probably buy any product she promoted. She is classy and entertaining AF. She is also probably one of the most conniving housewives and one of the biggest shit-stirrers but it largely goes unnoticed maybe because of the british accent? If you don’t watch housewives you might have seen her on her other show Vanderpump Rules which is based on her restaurant SUR and the drama revolving around her sexy staff.
Thoughts: Honestly, this might be one of the worst drinks I’ve ever tasted. We followed the instructions, had the bottles cold and added ice but we did not add fruit. Both tasted like cough syrup. They did not taste like wine or any other refreshing alcoholic beverage. I really can’t get over how terrible they were. No one liked these. I don’t think adding fruit would make them any better. I’m very disappointed in how terrible they were.

Bethenny Frankel: Skinny Girl Rosé blend, Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Pinot Grigio, Moscato, Red Blend, Cabernet Sauvignon
Bethenny, another favorite NY housewife is by far the most successful businesswoman housewife from any franchise. Her Skinnygirl brand not only includes alcohol, but also healthy snacks, nonalcoholic beverages, salad dressing, candy, shapewear and more. It’s more than just a brand it’s a lifestyle. Bethenny is a fast talking, witty, no-shit-taking business mogul which is why I love her. She is often in trouble for speaking her mind which then turns into all sorts of drama. Love her or hate her, you have to respect her hustle.
Thoughts: All of these wines were good. I think that these were the overall favorite for my group because there was something for everyone. I really liked the Red Blend and the Rosé blend and honestly I don’t remember the rest of the wines because we tried these last and the night gets a little fuzzy at this point!

**Note: I tried to find Heather Dubrow’s Collette Champagne which apparently is not in production anymore and after the party Sonja Morgan release her Tipsy Girl Prosecco**

Final Thoughts

• HYDRATE (as always) before, during and after. You will get a hangover, especially from the sugary wines.
• Provide food and lots of it. People need food in their bellies with all that wine!
• Have a little presentation prepared about the wine and the person behind it. It makes the night more interesting and entertaining.
• Have a good hangover buddy. As you can see from the pic below, I was lucky to have Murray pup and Beard take care of me the next day 🙂

*Be sure to check out Beard’s post about what he did with the guys while my White Party was going on!